Newsflash dear cult members

The mass media, aka the written/printed press, any online publication on the internet of the planet Earth, any of the radio stations or tv stations of the aforementioned planet have absolutely no obligation to publish your fan-fiction. You know like the ones you mentioned here. 

Until you provide evidence of the truth contents of these truly sensational claims (the entire planet is conspiring against your precious leader for decades) this remains at best fan-fiction. 

At worst it is just another series of manipulative brainwashing material that you publish only for the members of your cult. Sorry if it seems like that, but if something looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and behaves like a duck, then it can be said that that thing is a duck. 

I do not care if the said news was actually published because of political motivations, what I care about is that simply publishing an article on your own website, with the same language as all of your propaganda pieces and calling that evidence of the political motivations behind the fact that not every single human being on the planet bows down to the awesomeness that your brainwashed cult members perceive Gregorian "Magnus Aurolsson" Bivolaru to be, is not evidence of political motives behind your so called persecution, it is simply a propaganda piece for internal use only. You know like those three porn movies you admitted to have made. Should we take it that these are also written only for less than a dozen people and your guru substitute Monica Dascălu can count the total number of people who ever read them on one hand? 

The problem of the victims disciples not reading the copy-pasta of others courses is an old and famous one among cult members. I wonder how many of the MISA affiliates actually read these press releases. 

Claiming that this and only this (the omnipresent persecution of MISA with no fault of their own) is the absolute truth is a clear message to your cult members victims that you think that they are so stupid that they can't see through such an obvious lie. Basically by doing this you, the so called press office of MISA is calling everyone who believes their shit stupid, naive and easily manipulable. 

Dear cult members, and this time I say this with all the love in my heart, please wake up already and see exactly who is trying to manipulate you: the mass media or the "press office" of MISA. 

Then there are all the stories of how MISA and people in important positions in the cult have used their power to send manifestations of the divine feminine to certain political figures, etc to enlighten them (aka to get them to do their bidding) or all the divine support they offer up for money (this is not a euphemism, I'm referring to valid Romanian currency, in cash) and all the rest of the super secret and super important and super divine groups that MISA organizes regularly in the same buildings where the yoga and ayurveda courses are held, and it is led by the same group of MISA authorized people with the same language and selling point aka it is supported by Grieg or it is in the school's interest etc. 

At best this is a result of years, if not decades of making political enemies. Again nothing divine here, all very well accountable with stupid decisions that the important people in the cult made. No divine purpose, no global conspiracy, no persecution, maybe just karma. 

Well at least the colloquial karma, because sorry to burst your bubble but the supernatural belief of karma is just as much bullshit as any other extraordinary claim made in MISA. Oh and it doesn't matter if that's not where you first heard of it. There's still no evidence for it and your wrong to believe in it. 

But that is mostly here say (except the part with divine influence bought with cash which I was personally part of) and I don't really have time for any more. These are just a few thought of mine on the divine thief that cried out when he himself was robbed. 

This week in MISA 02/15/2012

Oh you people. You're so crazy. 

I haven't posted one of these for a while now, but the latest overwhelming stream of crazy coming from our favorite cult just had to be addressed. 

First off there's this. In case they remove the post it very confidently declares that they (whoever they are, I guess in this case it refers to the general, all encompassing them who are pure evil and who are constantly persecuting MISA and all her branches) finally admitted that president Eisenhower met with aliens. 

And of course it's based on a Daily Mail article. Which you can read here. 

And even though the reason for which this is silly I feel the need to point out why this particular UFO nutcase article gets special treatment and gets a mention on the second most important website on teh entire internetz (first being of course yogaesoteric.net), namely because it (the original article) declares that: 

Eisenhower and other FBI officials are said to have organised the showdown with the space creatures by sending out 'telepathic messages'.

And that is of course in perfect concordance with the unique and superb revelation of THE most efficient method of communicating with an alien species revealed for the first time by the greaytest spiritual master and tantric yogi evar: Gregorian Bivolaru. 

A perfectly natural cure for chemtrails

We've seen that the guys and shaktis over at our favorite cult are big fans of the latest in the line of stupid conspiracy theories, and their all knowing and unerring master is more than willing to offer them up even more stupid "solutions" and "cures" for such problems.

We've seen the same thing happen in the case of the swine flu and later the avian flue and the ultra secret and ultra simplistic and ultra unproven cures that all those entailed (btw the magic cure for swine flue was taking sublingually aka the patented (not really, even though they claim it's their own unique revelation) MISA method of taking [sic] plants aka putting grounded medicinal plants and herbs instead of going to the doctor and finding out what they actually have and taking actually proven medicine to get better, of a certain plant called star anise). That was such a huge revelation that it required those wishing to know it to make an oath with their hands on a bible and swearing to their health (oh sweet irony, thou ineffable manifestation of god that no one in the cult, not even the most advanced students or their master have managed to even remotely grasp) and spiritual evolution to not divulge to those who did not take the same oath.

So to counter that here's a perfectly natural and healthy method of counteracting those evil and Freemasonic chemtrails that are so well designed that even though they poison the entire atmosphere of the planet we all live on, (Freemasons and non-Freemasons alike) and yet they still only work on those who are not so evil aka the cute babies, puppies, big eyed cats and the most spiritual people that have ever existed: the tuition paying sympathizers of the non-profit organization named MISA or one of the other local smaller yogic ashrams that have nothing to do with MISA except adoring it's leader and being presented as the representatives of said organization on the organization's chosen method of communication with outsiders a website called yogaesoteric.net.

The cure is simple:

Phase one 

Take a squirt bottle like the one you use for spraying your bio and genetically not modified plants you use instead of medicine or the ones you grow as aphrodisiacs according to the unique and super-secret revelations of the greatest spiritual guide evar.

Phase two

Fill said bottle with vinegar. But be careful to use good vinegar. You can do a few or 7, or 21 or 49 or 7^7 blessings for it. You can also use a less potent 1:2 or weaker dilutions of this miracle cure-all.

Phase three

When you notice those evil chemtrails on the sky take the bottle in your right hand and go outside and after the mandatory consecration of this spiritual action hold the bottle up and start spraying vinegar at the sky.

In about 30 minutes or so, (about the same amount of time that it would take for those evil chemtrails to disappear without any action on your part) you will notice that they start dissapearing like magic.

But it is not magic. It is the perfect result of the perfect revelation that you've just had the priviledge of taking part in and about which you may not speak to anyone besides the other people who recieved this super secret initiation. Aka the people who were chosen by our unerring master to be worthy of receiving this information. You may know these people by asking them the appropriate password that is nothing like any dubious Freemason practice that we collectively must despise even though we only have our dear deluded and paranoid master's word to take it on.

Phase four

Look at the time you've spent on performing the above described action and multiply it by at least two and then sit down and do a meditation of gratitude towards our true god spiritual leader who is only a yoga teacher, just like your aerobics teacher, if you also have 49 day long tapases and do about 24 hours of continuous meditations and activities in honor of his/her birthday as well.

Optionally you can perform a short, but be sure to make it short, prayer of thanks to god the father, the only god that exists, except that he exist simultaneously in the form of all the possible Christian interpretations of the bible as well as all the legends of the Jews and what you like from Islam and last but not least the entire Hindu pantheon.

The collective WE of our spiritual masters multiple personalities, many of whom are insufferable grandiloquent assholes, wish you a perfect and spiritually supersonic practice.

Read also

A special message for the students of Satya's online course

The following is a very special message for all of the members of NATHA, weather you be the all powerful leaders, truly dedicated slaves of the ashram, or simple students who are "only interested in the yoga practice". 

This is a very special message, intended only for a select few. 

Sexual abstinence

I wonder if there's going to be a ban on sex in MISA, oh I'm sorry I mean a very special sexual abstinence program, right before the other end of the world, on December the 21st just like this one, in another cult*. You know to save the world. 

A very special tapas consisting of 7 months/49 days/21 days/7 days/ 7 hours of sexual abstinence coupled with light offerings for Grieg and several hour long masturbation sessions in given times with imagining his face as clearly as possible. Lol. 

Oh these cult leaders and their obsession with sex. And no, an overabundance and an overemphasis on sex is just as bad as demonizing it is. The excessive control and the rules dictated by someone, who is not directly involved in the act itself is the problem, not the permission or ban on sex. 

*And yes, dear Monica and dear Magnus combining yoga techniques with Christian elements and your personal sexual preferences is just as much of a deviation form the original as the practices of the FLDS are a deviation from the Church of Later Day Saints.  Deal with it. After all it's not the only thing that makes your little group a cult, so no matter how hard you shake your head and yell lalalalala-I-can't-hear-you, MISA is still a cult. And need I point out the accusations sentence of the FLDS leader Warren Jeffs? I hope not. 

Troll yoga

The years off to a great start.
Seriously at this point I'm convinced that yogaesoteric and MISA in general is simply trolling, nothing more. I finally figured out the actual unique spiritual revelation given in this organization and it's called troll yoga.
Publishing in all seriousness an article about some bs that was disproved over 16 years ago by a eleven year old child can't be possibly a serious article. This is the definition of trolling.

But maybe this is only a pretense for people to search for Emily who grew up to be a hell of Shakti. I can definitely appreciate that. But come the fuck on! You're supposed to be a serious spiritual school. 

Put the internets down and walk away from the keyboard if it's that difficult of a concept for you to grasp. 

It's 2012

Happy New Year everyone! 

Hey it's 2012. You know the one that according to some will be the last one mankind will see. Because the world will end on december 21st THIS year! RUN!

Or the last un-spiritual one according to others. Depends how you want to interpret the end part of the end of the world claim. Aka if you have the balls you say that people will die and major cataclysmic events will happen. If you're more chicken you will say that that date will be the start of a new spiritual, much more subtle change, but that it will influence humanity in equal measure. More simply put it doesn't matter if you can't see it (both literally and figuratively), or don't feel it the change has happened and you're simply an idiot if you don't see this (And of course we don't have any evidence for this, nor are we willing to even lift a finger to do such a preposterous thing. Evidence is for inferior people) 

This later is only a problem for those who claim (and my favorite cult MISA is in this category) that all those who are unworthy and/or unable to perceive this great translation into the heaven on earth era (Satya Yuga) will literally die on the 21st of December this year. 

We'll see about that. And no a last minute change in the prophecy does not make the prophecy more true but more wrong. And all you will achieve with every single modification in your beliefs about the apocalypse and with every single meditation or ritual that you will perform or introduce this year is to turn the knife in the hearts of your believers who are/were brainwashed enough to believe this shit when you first picked it up from some stupid website a few years ago, and who were hoping for a better future or were actually scared because of it. So think about that. And be very careful what you dare to say about the topic. I'll be watching. Not with my big, evil, feeemason, satanic, all seeing eye, but with something much more dangerous for people like you: reason and critical thought. 

So here's the year's first article recommendation that addresses the main claims made by 2012 believers.

Happy holidays everyone

Happy holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah, winter solstice, Mōdraniht, Yalda, Saturnalia, Festivus, Malkh, and what ever else you're celebrating. 

Satya yoga center update

So there was that whole scandal back in June which resulted in the MISA/NATHA teachers fleeing from the homeland of yoga, India and they went back to their nice and comfortable home base where not only they are not considered a cult, but are actually subsidized by the city and get monetary support for their activities. Great! But here comes the second chapter of this action saga in spirituality. 

The next phase, let's call it MISA takes over India 2.0 the online version. 

Emanuel and Angela, the perfectly harmonious manifestation of the male and female archetypes aka a male and a female cult member with a certain status in the cult's Danish branch, wrote a newsletter to their victims letting them know that they intend to hold online courses in the future via Skype. 

The classes will also include the famous Tantra classes as well. 

The ad contains the usual condescending instructions regarding the most basic aspects of this event, but that's nothing new. What is new on the other hand is the fact that they are offering it for free, at least for the time being (the latter is not my mean spirited addition but it is specified in their letter). 

In case you're interested the classes will be: 

End of the world or not in 2012 (article recommendation)

An interesting article about the so called end of the world prophecies of 2012. 

The official statement by the National Institute of Anthropological History of Mexico can be found here in Spanish.  

The most interesting aspect, that I've personally not thought of until this point, is: 

"We have to be clear about this. There is no prophecy for 2012," said Erik Velasquez, an etchings specialist at the the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM). "It's a marketing fallacy."

The National Institute of Anthropological History in Mexico has been trying to quell the barrage of forecasters predicting the apocalypse. "The West's messianic thinking has distorted the world view of ancient civilizations like the Mayans," the institute said in a statement.

Looking at this only form the perspective of the change in the direction of propaganda in MISA and disregarding the mainstream beliefs about 2012 this is a startling realization. 

Just think of the latest cycle of events like the start of the so called charismatic movement, all the propaganda about the apparition of Mary and her revelations, the entire NO apocalypse program etc. 

I wonder what the excuse will be that the world didn't end. No matter what the end is redefined as. I am curious either way what the justification will be. 

Will it be a world saving meditation? That seems the tendency at this point with the no apocalypse program. 

Or will they just simply declare that the big spiritual jump did actually happen and only those evil people that do not believe can't see it. Like we saw in the case of this years end of the world star Harold Camping. 

Or something entirely different? 

Either way I'm curious. But simple silence and/or a simple misdirection attempt with some new scandal for the yogis to focus on will not do. Until then the countdown can be seen to the right and when the date will come and go without anything that was claimed happening (care to make a million euro wager on that Magnus?) the clock will be changed to a counter until the point at which a sufficient response  and the absolutely necessary apology will be published in the same official manner as all the propaganda was.