A perfectly natural cure for chemtrails

We've seen that the guys and shaktis over at our favorite cult are big fans of the latest in the line of stupid conspiracy theories, and their all knowing and unerring master is more than willing to offer them up even more stupid "solutions" and "cures" for such problems.
We've seen the same thing happen in the case of the swine flu and later the avian flue and the ultra secret and ultra simplistic and ultra unproven cures that all those entailed (btw the magic cure for swine flue was taking sublingually aka the patented (not really, even though they claim it's their own unique revelation) MISA method of taking [sic] plants aka putting grounded medicinal plants and herbs instead of going to the doctor and finding out what they actually have and taking actually proven medicine to get better, of a certain plant called star anise). That was such a huge revelation that it required those wishing to know it to make an oath with their hands on a bible and swearing to their health (oh sweet irony, thou ineffable manifestation of god that no one in the cult, not even the most advanced students or their master have managed to even remotely grasp) and spiritual evolution to not divulge to those who did not take the same oath.

So to counter that here's a perfectly natural and healthy method of counteracting those evil and Freemasonic chemtrails that are so well designed that even though they poison the entire atmosphere of the planet we all live on, (Freemasons and non-Freemasons alike) and yet they still only work on those who are not so evil aka the cute babies, puppies, big eyed cats and the most spiritual people that have ever existed: the tuition paying sympathizers of the non-profit organization named MISA or one of the other local smaller yogic ashrams that have nothing to do with MISA except adoring it's leader and being presented as the representatives of said organization on the organization's chosen method of communication with outsiders a website called yogaesoteric.net.

The cure is simple:

Phase one 
Take a squirt bottle like the one you use for spraying your bio and genetically not modified plants you use instead of medicine or the ones you grow as aphrodisiacs according to the unique and super-secret revelations of the greatest spiritual guide evar.

Phase two
Fill said bottle with vinegar. But be careful to use good vinegar. You can do a few or 7, or 21 or 49 or 7^7 blessings for it. You can also use a less potent 1:2 or weaker dilutions of this miracle cure-all.

Phase three
When you notice those evil chemtrails on the sky take the bottle in your right hand and go outside and after the mandatory consecration of this spiritual action hold the bottle up and start spraying vinegar at the sky.
In about 30 minutes or so, (about the same amount of time that it would take for those evil chemtrails to disappear without any action on your part) you will notice that they start dissapearing like magic.

But it is not magic. It is the perfect result of the perfect revelation that you've just had the priviledge of taking part in and about which you may not speak to anyone besides the other people who recieved this super secret initiation. Aka the people who were chosen by our unerring master to be worthy of receiving this information. You may know these people by asking them the appropriate password that is nothing like any dubious Freemason practice that we collectively must despise even though we only have our dear deluded and paranoid master's word to take it on.

Phase four
Look at the time you've spent on performing the above described action and multiply it by at least two and then sit down and do a meditation of gratitude towards our true god spiritual leader who is only a yoga teacher, just like your aerobics teacher, if you also have 49 day long tapases and do about 24 hours of continuous meditations and activities in honor of his/her birthday as well.

Optionally you can perform a short, but be sure to make it short, prayer of thanks to god the father, the only god that exists, except that he exist simultaneously in the form of all the possible Christian interpretations of the bible as well as all the legends of the Jews and what you like from Islam and last but not least the entire Hindu pantheon.

The collective WE of our spiritual masters multiple personalities, many of whom are insufferable grandiloquent assholes, wish you a perfect and spiritually supersonic practice.


A special message for the students of Satya's online course

The following is a very special message for all of the members of NATHA, weather you be the all powerful leaders, truly dedicated slaves of the ashram, or simple students who are "only interested in the yoga practice". 
This is a very special message, intended only for a select few. 


Sexual abstinence

I wonder if there's going to be a ban on sex in MISA, oh I'm sorry I mean a very special sexual abstinence program, right before the other end of the world, on December the 21st just like this one, in another cult*. You know to save the world. 
A very special tapas consisting of 7 months/49 days/21 days/7 days/ 7 hours of sexual abstinence coupled with light offerings for Grieg and several hour long masturbation sessions in given times with imagining his face as clearly as possible. Lol. 
Oh these cult leaders and their obsession with sex. And no, an overabundance and an overemphasis on sex is just as bad as demonizing it is. The excessive control and the rules dictated by someone, who is not directly involved in the act itself is the problem, not the permission or ban on sex. 

*And yes, dear Monica and dear Magnus combining yoga techniques with Christian elements and your personal sexual preferences is just as much of a deviation form the original as the practices of the FLDS are a deviation from the Church of Later Day Saints.  Deal with it. After all it's not the only thing that makes your little group a cult, so no matter how hard you shake your head and yell lalalalala-I-can't-hear-you, MISA is still a cult. And need I point out the accusations sentence of the FLDS leader Warren Jeffs? I hope not. 


Troll yoga

The years off to a great start.
Seriously at this point I'm convinced that yogaesoteric and MISA in general is simply trolling, nothing more. I finally figured out the actual unique spiritual revelation given in this organization and it's called troll yoga.
Publishing in all seriousness an article about some bs that was disproved over 16 years ago by a eleven year old child can't be possibly a serious article. This is the definition of trolling.

But maybe this is only a pretense for people to search for Emily who grew up to be a hell of Shakti. I can definitely appreciate that. But come the fuck on! You're supposed to be a serious spiritual school. 
Put the internets down and walk away from the keyboard if it's that difficult of a concept for you to grasp. 


It's 2012

Happy New Year everyone! 

Hey it's 2012. You know the one that according to some will be the last one mankind will see. Because the world will end on december 21st THIS year! RUN!

Or the last un-spiritual one according to others. Depends how you want to interpret the end part of the end of the world claim. Aka if you have the balls you say that people will die and major cataclysmic events will happen. If you're more chicken you will say that that date will be the start of a new spiritual, much more subtle change, but that it will influence humanity in equal measure. More simply put it doesn't matter if you can't see it (both literally and figuratively), or don't feel it the change has happened and you're simply an idiot if you don't see this (And of course we don't have any evidence for this, nor are we willing to even lift a finger to do such a preposterous thing. Evidence is for inferior people) 

This later is only a problem for those who claim (and my favorite cult MISA is in this category) that all those who are unworthy and/or unable to perceive this great translation into the heaven on earth era (Satya Yuga) will literally die on the 21st of December this year. 
We'll see about that. And no a last minute change in the prophecy does not make the prophecy more true but more wrong. And all you will achieve with every single modification in your beliefs about the apocalypse and with every single meditation or ritual that you will perform or introduce this year is to turn the knife in the hearts of your believers who are/were brainwashed enough to believe this shit when you first picked it up from some stupid website a few years ago, and who were hoping for a better future or were actually scared because of it. So think about that. And be very careful what you dare to say about the topic. I'll be watching. Not with my big, evil, feeemason, satanic, all seeing eye, but with something much more dangerous for people like you: reason and critical thought. 

So here's the year's first article recommendation that addresses the main claims made by 2012 believers.