If MISA didn't exist

The official MISA website launches a new challenge, or rather a cue for self flattery: what would your life be life without MISA?

There are two questions (simplistic as usual) to answer:
If MISA didn't exist ... (here you should fill in the aspects you consider significant from your perspective)
If MISA wouldn't exist ... (here you should fill in, likewise, as you consider fit)

Well don't mind if I do.


Spiritual discernment

The day's spiritual challenge: spot the difference between these two texts using spiritual discernment. 

Nr. 1

REAL Doctors, REAL Science, REAL Results!
Dr. MaxMan was created by George Acuilar, M.D, a Board Certified Urologist who has treated over 70,000 patients with erectile problems. He is a member of both the College of Urology and the Society of Urology, and the director of 46 Urologists. He is also the past president of his state society of Urologists.
After over seven years of research and testing in the area of erectile dysfunction, Dr Acuilar and his team came up with the breakthrough herbal formula that is now known as Dr MaxMan : a 100% natural, powerful male enhancement formula.
Not only do men report AMAZING increases in penis length, width and stamina, but they are also equally delighted by the sheer intensity and concentrated power of their orgasms!


And nr. 2
The advantages in practicing sexual continence:
- it awakens a huge number of orgasms (both for man and woman) and incredibly increasing pleasure;
- a state of appetite and eternal longing for the lover, they seem not to get enough of one another;
- sexual longevity;
- regeneration and rejuvenation;
- increased vitality;
- elimination of feebleness, turpitude after the lovemaking;
- psychic balance, increase of creativity, awakening of intelligence;
- increase of charming personality both for the man and the woman;
- elimination of any unwelcome pregnancy;
- considerable decrease of the woman’s period and of the awkward subjacent effects;
- many women are finally aware of what orgasm is (it’s known for a fact that women need almost 30 minutes  erotic stimulation whereas the man is done within 10 minutes in most of the cases)
- breasts natural enlargement for women.
Moreover we get a chance to reach back to ourselves as spiritual beings in a superior understanding of love and life.

A hint for the solution is after the break


News roundup

New developments in the MISA-Gregorian Bivolaru case. And an interesting event from the northern European branch of MISA, NATHA. 

The case of Gregorian Bivolaru was held up at the supreme court and the decisions in the previous cases in which he was acquitted were allowed appeal by the prosecutors and the previous court decisions were abolished.

This of course was interpreted by the propaganda office of MISA as an obvious reenactment of the passion of Christ and his trial. 
But of course this still doesn't mean that the yogis/students/disciples/cult members of MSIA believe Gregorian Bivolaru to be Christ. Or the second coming of Christ. 
He just seems to have many-many similarities with him. Just like everyone else. 

Because the students of a normal, not at all cultisch school always believe that their teacher is suffering just like Jesus because he has demon possessed enemies who want to bring him down whatever the cost.  
Of course!

That's entirely normal. Didn't you used to believe that about all your teachers back in school? Didn't they seem to be persecuted like a supposedly unique spiritual guide who is equal to the all powerful maker of the universe? 

And now for a bit of news from NATHA. Let's see what kind of revolutionary new workshop will they hold now? 
Keep in mind that the cult leader Gregorian Bivolaru resides officially in Sweden and so he's there close by and able to monitor the activity of NATHA much more closer than he is able to do so in the case of MISA back in Romania. So this great new event probably had his blessing. 

It's grand, and as usual way too long title is: 
Sexual Continence – The Supreme Ancient Secret Of A Genuine Sexual Revolution Bestowing Boundless Happiness Upon Loving Couples

Ok, that's nothing new, let's see the details. 
For the first time the ancient tantric key to mastering the sexual energies is practically presented in a feature length film. Sexual Continence is the first in a trilogy on the mythic subject, produced by Sophrozin Studios to provide practical understandings on this mythical subject.
The much awaited film holds the practical key for achieving perfect control over sexual energies and experiences, making you able to enjoy multiple and continuous orgasms for hours without losing energy through ejaculation. The sexual act becomes magic love-making and increase the love, happiness, attraction and fulfillment in the couple.
The event offers a short presentation and after the screening follows a Q&A with one of the key speakers of the movie.
This extraordinary event is included in the last day of the Tantrafestival: Heroes and Goddesses, and is included in the price of the festival, together with the various other lectures and workshops.
Due to this films great value, especially for those who are just entering the age of sexual maturity – it is offered as a gift for all those in the age of 15-18, who therefore can participate only to this pre-premiere free of charge!

Oh. I see. So this is basically a reeducation workshop for cult members and especially geared toward kids 15-18 years of age. Because they "are just entering the age of sexual maturity". And that's when a good and effective cult grabs a hold of them and makes sure they grow up to be lifelong paying members of the cult. Isn't it nice? 


"Proofs" of Grieg's "paranormal" abilities

There are legends of Grieg's demonstrations of his paranormal abilities. I have heard stories of this, but thus far have never actually heard when and where they took place and what they actually were. Now I found a source and a date and what it was about. 
Let's take a look at how paranormal they are and exactly how and what does this prove of the grandiose claims made by the cult called MISA and it's beloved leader Gregoraian "Magnus Aurolson" Bivolaru. 


Newsflash dear cult members

The mass media, aka the written/printed press, any online publication on the internet of the planet Earth, any of the radio stations or tv stations of the aforementioned planet have absolutely no obligation to publish your fan-fiction. You know like the ones you mentioned here

Until you provide evidence of the truth contents of these truly sensational claims (the entire planet is conspiring against your precious leader for decades) this remains at best fan-fiction. 
At worst it is just another series of manipulative brainwashing material that you publish only for the members of your cult. Sorry if it seems like that, but if something looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and behaves like a duck, then it can be said that that thing is a duck. 

I do not care if the said news was actually published because of political motivations, what I care about is that simply publishing an article on your own website, with the same language as all of your propaganda pieces and calling that evidence of the political motivations behind the fact that not every single human being on the planet bows down to the awesomeness that your brainwashed cult members perceive Gregorian "Magnus Aurolsson" Bivolaru to be, is not evidence of political motives behind your so called persecution, it is simply a propaganda piece for internal use only. You know like those three porn movies you admitted to have made. Should we take it that these are also written only for less than a dozen people and your guru substitute Monica Dascălu can count the total number of people who ever read them on one hand? 
The problem of the victims disciples not reading the copy-pasta of others courses is an old and famous one among cult members. I wonder how many of the MISA affiliates actually read these press releases. 

Claiming that this and only this (the omnipresent persecution of MISA with no fault of their own) is the absolute truth is a clear message to your cult members victims that you think that they are so stupid that they can't see through such an obvious lie. Basically by doing this you, the so called press office of MISA is calling everyone who believes their shit stupid, naive and easily manipulable. 

Dear cult members, and this time I say this with all the love in my heart, please wake up already and see exactly who is trying to manipulate you: the mass media or the "press office" of MISA. 

Then there are all the stories of how MISA and people in important positions in the cult have used their power to send manifestations of the divine feminine to certain political figures, etc to enlighten them (aka to get them to do their bidding) or all the divine support they offer up for money (this is not a euphemism, I'm referring to valid Romanian currency, in cash) and all the rest of the super secret and super important and super divine groups that MISA organizes regularly in the same buildings where the yoga and ayurveda courses are held, and it is led by the same group of MISA authorized people with the same language and selling point aka it is supported by Grieg or it is in the school's interest etc. 
At best this is a result of years, if not decades of making political enemies. Again nothing divine here, all very well accountable with stupid decisions that the important people in the cult made. No divine purpose, no global conspiracy, no persecution, maybe just karma. 
Well at least the colloquial karma, because sorry to burst your bubble but the supernatural belief of karma is just as much bullshit as any other extraordinary claim made in MISA. Oh and it doesn't matter if that's not where you first heard of it. There's still no evidence for it and your wrong to believe in it. 

But that is mostly here say (except the part with divine influence bought with cash which I was personally part of) and I don't really have time for any more. These are just a few thought of mine on the divine thief that cried out when he himself was robbed. 


This week in MISA 02/15/2012

Oh you people. You're so crazy. 
I haven't posted one of these for a while now, but the latest overwhelming stream of crazy coming from our favorite cult just had to be addressed. 
First off there's this. In case they remove the post it very confidently declares that they (whoever they are, I guess in this case it refers to the general, all encompassing them who are pure evil and who are constantly persecuting MISA and all her branches) finally admitted that president Eisenhower met with aliens. 
And of course it's based on a Daily Mail article. Which you can read here
And even though the reason for which this is silly I feel the need to point out why this particular UFO nutcase article gets special treatment and gets a mention on the second most important website on teh entire internetz (first being of course yogaesoteric.net), namely because it (the original article) declares that: 
Eisenhower and other FBI officials are said to have organised the showdown with the space creatures by sending out 'telepathic messages'.
And that is of course in perfect concordance with the unique and superb revelation of THE most efficient method of communicating with an alien species revealed for the first time by the greaytest spiritual master and tantric yogi evar: Gregorian Bivolaru. 


A perfectly natural cure for chemtrails

We've seen that the guys and shaktis over at our favorite cult are big fans of the latest in the line of stupid conspiracy theories, and their all knowing and unerring master is more than willing to offer them up even more stupid "solutions" and "cures" for such problems.
We've seen the same thing happen in the case of the swine flu and later the avian flue and the ultra secret and ultra simplistic and ultra unproven cures that all those entailed (btw the magic cure for swine flue was taking sublingually aka the patented (not really, even though they claim it's their own unique revelation) MISA method of taking [sic] plants aka putting grounded medicinal plants and herbs instead of going to the doctor and finding out what they actually have and taking actually proven medicine to get better, of a certain plant called star anise). That was such a huge revelation that it required those wishing to know it to make an oath with their hands on a bible and swearing to their health (oh sweet irony, thou ineffable manifestation of god that no one in the cult, not even the most advanced students or their master have managed to even remotely grasp) and spiritual evolution to not divulge to those who did not take the same oath.

So to counter that here's a perfectly natural and healthy method of counteracting those evil and Freemasonic chemtrails that are so well designed that even though they poison the entire atmosphere of the planet we all live on, (Freemasons and non-Freemasons alike) and yet they still only work on those who are not so evil aka the cute babies, puppies, big eyed cats and the most spiritual people that have ever existed: the tuition paying sympathizers of the non-profit organization named MISA or one of the other local smaller yogic ashrams that have nothing to do with MISA except adoring it's leader and being presented as the representatives of said organization on the organization's chosen method of communication with outsiders a website called yogaesoteric.net.

The cure is simple:

Phase one 
Take a squirt bottle like the one you use for spraying your bio and genetically not modified plants you use instead of medicine or the ones you grow as aphrodisiacs according to the unique and super-secret revelations of the greatest spiritual guide evar.

Phase two
Fill said bottle with vinegar. But be careful to use good vinegar. You can do a few or 7, or 21 or 49 or 7^7 blessings for it. You can also use a less potent 1:2 or weaker dilutions of this miracle cure-all.

Phase three
When you notice those evil chemtrails on the sky take the bottle in your right hand and go outside and after the mandatory consecration of this spiritual action hold the bottle up and start spraying vinegar at the sky.
In about 30 minutes or so, (about the same amount of time that it would take for those evil chemtrails to disappear without any action on your part) you will notice that they start dissapearing like magic.

But it is not magic. It is the perfect result of the perfect revelation that you've just had the priviledge of taking part in and about which you may not speak to anyone besides the other people who recieved this super secret initiation. Aka the people who were chosen by our unerring master to be worthy of receiving this information. You may know these people by asking them the appropriate password that is nothing like any dubious Freemason practice that we collectively must despise even though we only have our dear deluded and paranoid master's word to take it on.

Phase four
Look at the time you've spent on performing the above described action and multiply it by at least two and then sit down and do a meditation of gratitude towards our true god spiritual leader who is only a yoga teacher, just like your aerobics teacher, if you also have 49 day long tapases and do about 24 hours of continuous meditations and activities in honor of his/her birthday as well.

Optionally you can perform a short, but be sure to make it short, prayer of thanks to god the father, the only god that exists, except that he exist simultaneously in the form of all the possible Christian interpretations of the bible as well as all the legends of the Jews and what you like from Islam and last but not least the entire Hindu pantheon.

The collective WE of our spiritual masters multiple personalities, many of whom are insufferable grandiloquent assholes, wish you a perfect and spiritually supersonic practice.


A special message for the students of Satya's online course

The following is a very special message for all of the members of NATHA, weather you be the all powerful leaders, truly dedicated slaves of the ashram, or simple students who are "only interested in the yoga practice". 
This is a very special message, intended only for a select few. 


Sexual abstinence

I wonder if there's going to be a ban on sex in MISA, oh I'm sorry I mean a very special sexual abstinence program, right before the other end of the world, on December the 21st just like this one, in another cult*. You know to save the world. 
A very special tapas consisting of 7 months/49 days/21 days/7 days/ 7 hours of sexual abstinence coupled with light offerings for Grieg and several hour long masturbation sessions in given times with imagining his face as clearly as possible. Lol. 
Oh these cult leaders and their obsession with sex. And no, an overabundance and an overemphasis on sex is just as bad as demonizing it is. The excessive control and the rules dictated by someone, who is not directly involved in the act itself is the problem, not the permission or ban on sex. 

*And yes, dear Monica and dear Magnus combining yoga techniques with Christian elements and your personal sexual preferences is just as much of a deviation form the original as the practices of the FLDS are a deviation from the Church of Later Day Saints.  Deal with it. After all it's not the only thing that makes your little group a cult, so no matter how hard you shake your head and yell lalalalala-I-can't-hear-you, MISA is still a cult. And need I point out the accusations sentence of the FLDS leader Warren Jeffs? I hope not. 


Troll yoga

The years off to a great start.
Seriously at this point I'm convinced that yogaesoteric and MISA in general is simply trolling, nothing more. I finally figured out the actual unique spiritual revelation given in this organization and it's called troll yoga.
Publishing in all seriousness an article about some bs that was disproved over 16 years ago by a eleven year old child can't be possibly a serious article. This is the definition of trolling.

But maybe this is only a pretense for people to search for Emily who grew up to be a hell of Shakti. I can definitely appreciate that. But come the fuck on! You're supposed to be a serious spiritual school. 
Put the internets down and walk away from the keyboard if it's that difficult of a concept for you to grasp.